One of the gags in Ted goes: “Turkey burgers? Are we having ho-mo-sex-uals over for dinner tonight?” To which Mila Kunis (damn you Mila Kunis) retorts: “Nope. Just you two fags.”

Ted isn’t lazy comedy; it isn’t comedy at all. It’s the opposite of funny. It’s how funny killed itself.


Rust and Bone


Shifting between mundane and melodrama, Rust & Bone (the taste of a punch) is a very unusual love story. Schoenaerts is a revelation, showcasing a disquieting physicality and wincingly brutal presence, while Cotillard’s performance is simply startling. Redemption, though, feels like it comes a little too easily in this tale.



Concerning as it does Irish Islanders who must get pissed in order to survive an assault from alcohol-allergic aliens, you’ll probably know already if Grabbers  is for you. For what it’s worth: this sci-fi-comedy mashes Father Ted & Slither to consistently entertaining effect. Makes a good case for drinking irresponsibly.


Cloud Atlas


Following multiple stories across different timelines and coming in at just under 3 hours Cloud Atlas requires a certain… patience. It’s worth it. Pulling out and emphasizing some parts of the novel while discarding others, it’s a fine, romantic adaptation which is ambitious, impressive and admirable, if not always successful.


Holy Motors


Leos Carax’s chauffeured opus is madder than a bag of hammers, following an identity-shifting Parisian businessman as he keeps up with his “appointments”, each exploring themes of art, performance, love and giant alien snake sex. Maddest of all? It’s a Kylie Minogue film that can reasonably be described as excellent.


Ruby Sparks


Never as entertaining as its premise, Ruby Sparks is let down by a second-act sub-Meet the Fockers trip to meet the in-laws – two free-spirited hippies more fictive than the eponymous nymph – and the fact that Dano’s character is so thoroughly, incredibly, infinitely detestable. Feels like a wasted idea.



Beautifully styled with an attention-grabbing prologue, Argo is a competent 70s-thriller throwback. But some needless narrative embellishments, most notably those surrounding Affleck’s character (estranged son and wife, a half-assedly drawn drink problem), are Hollywood clichés that distract from what is an incredible, fascinating true story. Entertaining but not wholly satisfying.